I've found that I am unable to actually remember all of the contents of these last two weeks with my family. I go over it in my head, and everything mushes together. I wish I would have kept up on my blog so I could always remember these times. I had to work on Christmas Eve, which not only made me upset because I missed Christmas Eve with all of my family, I was also not in our extended family photo. The are going to super impose me into the shot later, but for now... I AM NOT IN IT. I didn't even make enough money to make it worth me missing a huge holiday with my family, but I doubt there is an actual amount that would be. We always have a White Elephant game where everyone brings a gift under $30 and we go around opening and stealing each other's gifts. I wasn't there during the actual time of the game, but my brother won me a Level Vodka gift pack with two martini glasses. Gotta Love that brother. The rest of the night was an over drinking of wine and dancing to explicit rap.

That evening and that next morning, we opened up gifts from our parents, grandparents, and "Santa". I can't believe how thankful I am for all the wonderful things I was given. I know that money isn't an important thing with our family because we put love and faith and each other first. But it was wonderful Christmas to say the least! Santa gave me a trip to Vegas for educational training with cutting and coloring along with a huge white party at the end of the trip. I CAN NOT WAIT. To get this ticket to Vegas, we have to sell a large amount of product bags, and it became very difficult for me to sell any. I just can't believe that I am going, and I probably wont even realize how great it is until I get there. My grandparents gave me a necklace with a scissor charm on it. The scissors even move like a real pair would, just it wont cut real hair :) My parents showered me with gifts such as "Just Dance for Wii", another necklace, gift card to CosmoProf, clothing, etc etc. I can't thank them enough!

My parents left on Monday morning. I was able to at least go over and say goodbye and I know now even though I really miss them, that I will be able to get through the rest of my time in school and allow myself to really learn from my experiences instead of being overwhelmed by them.

Bud also came into town, but in Sunday afternoon. He made a quick stop in Vegas but didn't come home with any winnings. I figured after card night at my Grandma's I would have been able to at least see him to say "hi". There is one thing I will never understand about boys. (The reason I call them boys is because they don't deserve to be called men, not even if they are over 25). I haven't seen Bud at all yet, and it is Thursday morning. I am trying to go through it all in my head, like the over thinker that I am, and nothing makes sense (but it rarely does). I'll forget what I should be thinking and say what I really feel. I think this is a joke, the kind of joke where a guy is manipulative, and uses a girl for the reason of having someone there for them when they need it. An emotional connection when it is needed. I dated him for a few months, and I was there anytime he needed me. I also agree that he was there when I needed him up until about a month ago, and I could feel something pulling us apart. I knew that eventually this would end, as do most things, and I am ok with that. We talked like grown up's do, and I was able to see that it ran it's course. I've NEVER been ok with knowing that, but in my time growing up, I AM ok with it. We both want different things, and his thing is taking him to another country. It's exciting and new, but not what I want or need. I would have appreciated some sort of cordialness.. but then again I really don't expect much out of most men.

I have however had a great time dating. It's funny how the second you allow yourself to be "seen" by others, that they start to show more interest in you. I met this guy, Jesse, at me and Kendra's favorite bar. We frequent there on the weekends and have even been known to pop up during the week. I am very anti meeting a guy in a bar, its cliche, and usually the guy is just trying to go home with you for one night. I suppose there is a time and a place for that, but that's not my style. Luckily, this guy wasn't one of the drunks that wouldn't leave us alone, he was the bouncer/barback that kept catching my eye. He's actually really cool, and after going on a few dates I've noticed that so far he is not a boy, and more a man (so far). We went hiking on Tuesday (and I feel that more than ever today, ouch shin splints!) for 3 hours in Laguna. Pizza & Arrested Development rounded out the rest of our night, but it was fun. It was the kind of fun I needed after feeling insecure recently.

As for tonight, Kendra and I have no plans. I think this is the first New Years Eve where I legitimately wasn't sure how it was gonna end. I work until 10ish, and Kendra was planning a West Hollywood trip, but the "boy" (catch my drift) has not invited her. It's New Years Eve!! If you haven't invited her yet, you're a fool. She's such an amazing friend and we've become more close now than ever, and it's just been a couple weeks of us hanging out non-stop and NOT getting sick of each other. I told Kendra that tonight we can go out and kiss as many boys as she wants in HB. We both want a reason to be reckless but will have fun dancing the night away and letting stupid boys pay for our drinks. If there was a small chance that I might actually hear from Bud, I would still be going out with my girl. He blew his chance, and I was hoping that after the things we've shared with one another, that petty bullshit would never be something I would have to worry about. But I could care less now.

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