I'm usually the cheer-y type.. you know.. looking high on my days and being happy with all of the great things I have been given. I am still happy with the things I've been given, and can't wait to see my family starting in a week or two. I am just coming to more of a realization about different things in my life. Realistic points of view, maybe?

I am in the process of trying to figure out where I want to move once I graduate. I know I still have until the end of May, but it is something I have been thinking about for a while. I've always thought I would be better out of Orange County. I've visited San Diego (which is one of the places I initially figured I would move) and have decided I don't really see myself there as much as I use to. I am more interested in looking into Santa Barbara or the Bay Area. I feel like I would be wonderful in a city, but also a laid back area. I'm not really someone who enjoys the craziness of a face-paced city. Maybe for a night out or to visit.. but not forever. I'm also nervous about finding a job and not being ready for a career once I am out of school. All of these things come piling on me because I am scared to see past tomorrow.

I love planning things. Planning my life YEARS in advanced have always been my thing, but I really don't know what I'm looking for anymore. All of the time I had spent planning my life has gone down the dump (i.e. marrying my H.S. boyfriend bc my parents' were H.S. sweethearts, Finishing college in 4 years, Moving to Spain with my ex, etc.)... I am just worried that if I plan anything else, I will screw it up. But sometimes I can't help myself. It's funny... seeing all of those "plans" written out, make me see that all of those things were for other people.. and not myself. Which only makes me realize how important it is for me to NOW do things for myself.

Also, dating Bud is coming to more of a realistic point. He wants to teach overseas, or work in another country around the beginning of the year. It's wonderful, and such an exciting adventure lies ahead for him. I couldn't be more proud of his drive to succeed and help others in the process. I kind of envy the ability to just pick up and leave. I have always wanted to travel a little before I settle into an area for a career. Financially, I have a feeling it wont happen, I will need to work to pay off school, but in my dream to live a life full of adventures, I will continue to hope I will receive the opportunity. I just don't see where the rest of this fits... and maybe that's because I am looking too far ahead. I know eventually our time together, motivating and supporting one another's goals, will get in the way of what we're looking for. And I can't decide if I'm living in a dreamland while I let real life make a fool of me.

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