I have gone in to my first sickness of 2010. It may have to do with Karma (I promise I wont kiss him again... ok maybe no promises!) but I could only imagine that I'd be sick after this crazy weather. We've had basically Hurricane Katrina and Monsoon City all around Orange County. It is crazy, and normally I'd be all excited for rain, one of my FAVORITE things ever. Right about now, I'm biting my tongue. The past two day's have been so hard to get to school. Today I took the day off of school and work, and I am stuck in my bed eating Fruity Pebbles and overloading on Dayquil, Super B-Complex, Multivitamins, and H2O. I stopped by the store today to pick up all of those because Jesse told me it would probably make me feel better, plus stop me from getting sick again and keep my immune system healthy. He's all about the "vitamins".

Yesterday I went with Kendra to visit her parents condo. We had ribs and mashed potatoes and played Scategories. I also got a text from Jesse asking if I was home... little did I know, he was bring me chicken noodle soup in a bread bowl and vitamins to make me feel better. SERIOUSLY? How did I get so lucky. Once I was home and had my soup and watched a little tv, Jesse came by just to see how I was feeling and watched "Knocked Up" with me. Super awesome guy, I hope I feel better by the time we go hiking tomorrow.

Tonight I will be taking it easy, even though it is a Friday. I'm sure Kendra will want to go out, and I'd LOVE to, but my body will hate me tomorrow if I do. Movies & hot coco for me tonight might be my remedy!

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I always go on kicks of writing in my blog until I overwork myself with school and work. It has been FOREVER since I've been on here. I hate that, because then I try to go through my week and remember what happened. Last week I worked 6 days... I seriously NEVER want to do that again. Although I did happen to save enough money for rent last week! Maybe I'll just suck it up every once in a while! Kendra and I have also been able to balance our work life and "fun" life. We have no officially made friends with EVERYONE at Killarney's. Even the girls that didn't like Kendra because she is pretty and their boyfriends watch. It's nice to have a friend like her, when I am with her, I feel better. She is a genuine friend and I feel like whenever I would need her, she would be here with me. And of course, VIS VERSA! It's nice being so far away from home, and be able to have another best friend "added to my wolfpack" haha.

We've been looking for places like CRAZY. Kendra, Christine, and I are moving out March 1st. It is so exciting and I honestly can NOT wait. I know that locks me into Orange County for another year, but so far I'm enjoying myself here. It is so difficult though, we want to put a deposit down on a place soon, but financially it is impossible. I have been more responsible with my money since I was forced to grow up in college. I worked and went to school, and lived off pay check to pay check. I would even skip my last few classes during the end of the month, just to pick up shifts so I could live in my apartment. Sad I know, but it taught me to prioritize and save money when I can. With Caper coming up in less than 3 weeks, I want to enjoy my time there and not have to worry about what I can and can't do while I'm there. I will figure out our deposit another time!

I saw Bud the day before he went back to Colorado. It was a surprise to say the least that I would see him, let alone want to see him. It sounds dramatic, and for a while it may have been, but I've been trying to let any bad feelings go. Majority of my friends think I'm an idiot, even some of my family, but I know what is right for myself. Once I saw him, I felt how I use to, and maybe he'll always have that over me, but it was nice to see him. He then told me he's back into town the 25th of this month. 5 DAYS?! Well that isn't much time to get my priorities in order, and even just a month ago I would have been so excited. I can't decide what I am, but I know that either way, we're always going to be in each other's life. He's helped me a lot when I've needed it and vis versa. I'd like to think that, this alone would be enough reason to be life long friends. I'll enjoy my time until there isn't anymore...

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As a sister, I have a duty to my siblings. I luckily have two younger, very great brothers. Even though they may not look up to me (since I'm officially shorter than both of them), I still assume that they will take my advice. I am someone who would like to think I have a couple of life's notches under my belt, and I plan to share them with my brother's, in order for them to learn from not only their own mistakes but mine as well. Relationships haven't always been my strong point. I am much more of a "give great advice to others, but have trouble taking my own" kind of person. With that being said, I still love every experience I've had in that department, because it is kind of fun to just fly by the seat of your pants and fall head over heels, or find yourself curled in a ball after a break up. High's and Low's are apart of life, and now that I am "wise" (haha just kidding), I find that I can enjoy every aspect of relationships. So when I talk with my brother's about relationships, I hope they at least listen and take my advice as not only a sister, but someone that is looking for their happiness for them.

Both of my brother's have maybe not chosen the best girls yet. A couple of them weren't bad, and not that these girls are terrible people either. I just think they are not good enough for my brothers and really not good for a relationship with either of them. I know that its typical for a sister to believe that NO ONE is good enough, but I truly believe when I see my brothers with someone that treats them right, and he loves and vis versa, I will be nothing but happy. That being said, my oldest younger brother is traveling to Florence in the Fall to study abroad. It is something I always wished I would have done if I would have stuck with school. It is going to be such a great time. I think when studying abroad (at least what I've heard from friends who have) you really have an opportunity to find yourself. You are in a new country, with different types of people, and new surroundings, and just allow yourself to take everything in.. and be selfish. If there is ever a time to be selfish, it is in your twenties, or before you have to have a real job. Right now, I'm enjoying being selfish and hanging out with my friends and enjoying all of the people I meet.. I would love my brothers to do the same.

His on and off again girlfriend will ALSO be traveling to Florence around that time. I don't have words for what I feel about this. It left me speechless at first when I found out. "We just so happen to be going at the same time..." my brother said. My anger towards this poorly covered situation is at it's highest level. When my brother came to visit over Christmas break, we talked.. A LOT. From conversing we were able to help each other... and I was pretty sure he had decided that she wasn't good for him. No, not even pretty sure. Definitely sure. I consider it a situation like this; a battered woman who wont leave their man, or a comfortable situation that you can't get away from. I will leave it at that, a situation that is based on not knowing how to get out, and I hope eventually, when possible, he will leave.

Side note: Last night was the first time I was called "Jesse's girl" at Killarney's. Although I eventually knew that it would spread like a wildfire (everyone knows EVERYONE there), when I'm walking into a bar, I usually never expect an 80's song to be sang to me by a large bearded guy. Rocked the vocals though...

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Inevitably, I have found myself slacking. So while I slack, I'll blog :)

Bud has been in town since the Sunday after Christmas. I have seen him for a total of 10 minutes, outside of a bar, right after the ball dropped on NYE. Since then, I have given myself a chance to realize a few things:
(1) I deserve better
(2) I deserve better (just in case I didn't make it clear before)
(3) Regardless of what I "deserve", I find myself looking for some sort of closure
(4) Men are boys until proven otherwise

I think I would feel at least 70% better if I knew that he felt bad that his priorities were out of order. Or even if he apologized for me being upset with him. I know that the relationships I have with people are far more important to me than anything. Even though it took me a while to see that, I have made my priorities right. When you die, you can't take anything with you. No money, no success, no materials... only the relationships you've made and your mark on the world. For someone who is quite the minimalist, he sure isn't worried about how he is treating me. I personally think its BS. Kendra said he's not allowed in our house ever again. Jeff said he would consider disowning me if I allowed myself to see him and have the feelings rush back into my body. My brother thought he was a joke, especially after spending MANY nights together being able to talk about everything.

Personally, I do care what the people in my life think. But I also know that they don't know him like I do. That being said, I am torn between what I think is right, and what I actually want to do. The funny part in that, is that I think it's right for me to see him to get closure, but I actually would rather NOT see him. weird.

Although it is still personal, I want to send my prayers to Sarah & David. I love them, and they have been a second family to me, especially when I've needed it. I will be here for them during tough and easy times :)

K & I are going to have a boyless weekend... where we make bad decisions but always have each other's back regardless. I look forward to this... and am excited in anticipation. I feel like I need to make a run to Bev Mo, just to be prepared. Instead I will visit CosmoProf to spend some of my gift card from Santa (thank you!) and Ulta. A girl can never have too many things... especially things to make you feel beautiful.

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I think it is impossible for me and Kendra to go a get "a drink at a bar". Literally impossible.

School has been a drag, only because we had speakers ALL DAY on Wednesday. I can imagine if we actually took clients or were productive, but nothing of that sort occurred. Our plans were simple: Go to Dave & Buster's, after going to the gym and having pizza. We also had planned to stop by one of the new places we are hoping to move into. (that's another post). No gym. No D&B. Plus "getting a drink at our bar". It's funny that we find ourselves always going there, even when there are a good amount of bars in downtown HB. It could be that we never have a problem getting in, or that we like to dance our asses off to their music, or that we know a shit ton of people that work there. Either way, we love that place. We've never gone at 7:30pm though, for good reason I'm sure. It was dead, but luckily (and unluckily) the Laker's were playing the Clippers last night. One drink turned into 5 beers & 3 shots, an hour and a half later. It's legit, IF IT WASN'T a school night. They had duelling pianos too, and we sang a long to "Benny & the Jets" and "Sweet Caroline" along with other great oldies. We even heard "Someone Like You", which was unexpected but awesome.

I can't decide if they got us drunk because we are two cute girls alone in a bar, or because I know Jesse. He wasn't working, although we do know a lot of people that work there. It is possible, that they just like us. But we assumed it was because of Jesse. Once the Laker's lost, we found ourselves stumbling home and taking a million pictures (it happens to be my favorite thing to do regardless if I am sober or not). Rounded out the night with Wii Bowling with Jesse. He's going out of town to visit his old home, and he'll be gone for a week. Kind of a bummer, since I enjoy his time, but I'll see him when he gets back. As for me, I have work... and have much more to write about. It's refreshing getting it all out.


It's funny when you find out that people are actually reading your blog. I assumed that some were, but recently I find out some of my great friends and family are still reading it. It makes me super happy because I remember that I still have friends that care about me at home. I was never worried about my family caring, but still. So a short shout out to:
Mom, Tisleen, Sarah, Bud, Kendra.

I'm sure there are more, or I'd like to hope, but those are all for now.

Today the Hawkeyes did so good against Georgia Tech. I was so proud to say that I am a Hawkeye. Even though I never graduated.. after two years of college you are an Alum... F yeah.

Tomorrow I will be making my first call back to my ex. It was his birthday today, and regardless of all the shit, it is still his birthday. I have never missed ANY of my friends birthdays.. and even some that aren't my friends. It will be weird to talk tomorrow, just because it's been such a long time. There will be NO talk of my personal life, and if I'm on my way to school, I wont have much time to get into detail anyways. Now I'm off to finish some more vodka and drink anything i can find :)

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New Year's Eve ended up being a blast! Although I had a run in with my boss at work, I was able to leave and be downtown by 11ish. Kendra & I tried to figure out what our plans were all day, and we ended up in are usual place. Downtown Huntington has been good to us and there is no reason to stray from that. Since 301 wouldn't let me in and there was a cover charge (are you joking?!) we made our way to our bar. It's funny because it's always been our favorite place, and we go and dance our asses off. A lot of the staff knows us, but I figured out HOW MUCH of alcoholics we must look like, because we don't even show our ID's anymore. That's kind of how it was this summer... and I had gotten use to it, until there was a new door guy, and since then, we've always showed them. It was extremely packed, but we enjoyed dancing and having fun. It was a perk that both of us had midnight kisses, but it was New Year's Eve, we would have probably had them anyways.

Then I heard from Bud. Right before the ball dropped. Efficient, but not exactly what I expected... Kendra and I left the bar & went to say hi to him & Alex. It's funny and sad at the same time, when you see someone and remember the good and stupid times, and they even out. Now it's not to say that in reality they equal out, but when there is only stupid things for the past couple weeks, THEY EVEN OUT. Kendra & I talk about EVERYTHING, we're basically attached at the hip, and when a friend says "are you kidding me? how convenient" then I know their is something wrong. Cordial was all I could be, because I still couldn't believe I had seen him. Little did I know, that would probably be the last time I saw him, since I haven't heard from him since then. How grown up.

I go back to school tomorrow, which is great because I am super ready. I hope I am still good at my craft. I only did two hair cuts over the past 3 weeks... so I've got some catching up to do. And I am on a silly sleep schedule... Jesse doesn't get off work til 2:30-3 am some nights.. so I don't wake up til 11:00 every morning. Have to get back to waking up at 7:30am! ahh, HELP.

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