So forewarning... if you don't wish to hear my story, you don't have to. But as I've grown in my life, I've always known it's better to look life in the face and never be scared of what others might think. I'm still battling that one myself, but I feel like this may be beneficial for some. This seemed like the right time because I recently had a dream that told me to let all past grief go. So here I will.

When I was 17, I was raped. As blunt as it might seem, this happens more times than it ever should. I was with someone who I thought was one of my friends because my boyfriend and I at the time had decided to break up because he was going away to college. I was clearly upset and this "friend" invited me over to swim and have lunch after summer school. I may have been naive as a high schooler, being in a tightly wound house and usually sticking to all of the rules, but I doubt anyone can say someone deserves something to happen to them. Regardless of any situation.

To skip majority of the details that are unimportant, and most because I dont remember, I had asked for a Sprite and was given something that tasted like Sprite... but clearly wasn't. I only knew this because I started feeling like I was out of my body. I couldn't say what I wanted to and at this point I had only figured what was happening.

I think the majority of people that are raped feel scared and I, like many, didn't do anything about it. I know now I should have stuck up for myself and made sure it didn't happen to the next girl, but I wont look back and blame myself for that. I can only hope that women will be more careful/aware and pray that God has something in mind for these people that can only be described as Monsters.



i had my first time in LA last night. Ally and I went to Universal Studios City Walk. It was absolutely amazing, they had a store with only socks! And a store with all candy, and everything was made of candy too (I died and went to heaven)! We went to this country bar that had a bull you could ride and we went to win a trip to Vegas. Sadly we didn't win, but regardless we had a great time. We should have taken that loser up on his offer to take us to Vegas, right Ally? It was nice to do something different for a change because I am so used to Huntington or sushi or just hanging around the house. Ally used to work there, and went on the sets of movies all of the time. I wish I had that job, even if it was just for a week.

It was great knowing more about Ally, because we go to school together and I am usually one to keep my work and play separate. She is an amazing person and I see how much of a strong person she is. I think everyone goes through life without people really knowing what some one's gone through. It gave me a whole new prospective on other people and made me more comfortable talking about my life. I'm in the process of writing a post about my personal struggle and I never thought I would ever want to publicly share, especially over a blog. I've already shared with a select few people which made me more determined to voice it. To be real with myself, I feel like maybe it will help others who have kept quiet because of being scared :)

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fun day for school today. We did make up for Halloween and Scary movies. It was totally legit because I was COMPLETELY grossed out on multiple occasions. I initially wanted a cut on my arm, and after I saw the guy do a demo on a girl, I felt a bit sick. Absolutely realistic. Instead I practiced my bruising techniques since I myself bruise like a peach. I swear I could do absolutely nothing all day long, and have a bruise on my hip the size of a baseball. Anemic much?

This bruise turned out pretty amazing if I do say so myself, and I tried to trick many people into thinking I got beat up today at school. I think I tricked like 1 person, and then I couldn't keep a straight voice (like a straight face.. but over the phone.. same thing) but it was really gnarly.

After I've seen myself the past few days, I realize either my clothes shrink even when I haven't washed them or I get bigger (I'm hoping it's the first one).. either way, my diet starts today. I'm serious this time.. because on normal occasions I shoot the shit when I say I'm going to do something like stop eating. It's physically impossible for someone like me to do that, believe me I've tried. So me and the gym are going to become close friends that see each other daily...

the gym better not cheat on me with someone else.

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So I officially switched to Monday's at school. I'm more than uber excited about this, finally REAL weekends. I never thought I'd see the day :)

Last night we went to Perq's to enjoy a few of Sarah's friends play in their band. I knew it would be good when "Earl Had to Die" from the Dixie Chicks was their first song... and it wasn't a country band at all. They also had a guy come to blow up balloons for the audience which is a more amazing job than I anticipated. He made balloon penis' for the band members (dirty) and we got Homer Simpson and a monkey with a rather large penis. This guy seemed to be into that kind of thing. Better yet was the larger openly gay man who danced to every song. He hit David on the butt over 3 times, and was clearly intoxicated.

The Gay's I enjoy, but not so much this one. Very violent... we luckily left before I could encounter what he was capable of. What is it with "tough guys"? I'm so not attracted to men like that, there is no reason to start fights... although there are definitely a choice few I could think up that should get their asses kicked.

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i went out. i got drunk. i did inappropriate things...

so sue me :)



I'm known to be a relaxer. To be a relaxer you must constantly want to "relax". Maybe not constantly, but definitely more than half the time... which is exactly me. So instead of a crazy filled evening like most 22 year olds' would be having, I will sit in at enjoy board games/cards with some friends and enjoy the remainder of my case of Chuck. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy being crazy and dancing and making a fool of myself... but this week has been tiring and I only get a one day weekend as I switch into a Monday-Friday school schedule. (Which if I could describe how excited I am in words about this switch it would look something like "F*%@*!!Ljm&") I will FINALLY get a real weekend to enjoy in any way I choose.

Also I am bailing on one of my friend's Ryan who came into town on business, tonight. I will however make time for us to meet up for lunch or something tomorrow.

Direct TV came this morning to set up our cable. An exciting day at our household, if anyone was here to actually answer the door. Kendra's in Vegas, Christine's at her home town this week, and Joe was sleeping while I was at school. No pretty cable box was sitting in my room when I got home :( I am now without my weekly shows and HBO/Showtime for who knows how long. Hopefully I'll survive through this ... hehehe ...


So I am one that usually runs and hides from compliments. Not that I don't think I deserve them, but I usually get embarrassed, etc. But as of lately, I've now not only been told by 12 year old boys (which by the way, are freaking adorable and i love them in a non-creepy way) but people at my school. This photo was posted on my friends binder at school (below):

At least 7-10 people asked why I was on her binder at a first glace. She is an absolutely gorgeous human-being. So I will continue to milk this look-a-like until I die...



my poor friend Karleen is sick and she didn't really tell people about it other than her family and fiance. I found out today, and it just makes me sad a bit. She is definitely put into my before bed prayers, and maybe even some mid day ones too.


a few things perked up my day so far...

Leaving school early was the best thing I could have done today. When something you love turns into a hassle, there is a definite problem. I usually look my problems in the face and beat them up, but today I decided I could use my "anger" to kick my own ass at the gym. It worked. My legs want to crumble to the ground! I also came home and usually have my iTunes playing at all times... and Kelly Clarkson's newer CD just so happened to be on which put me in a great mood. I proceeded to dance around my room with my hairbrush and sing. Good thing my roomies hadn't gotten home from school/work :)

I also received my package from my online shopping. I was disappointed last week in my timing of my shopping rage, especially since my bail money is due next week. But no longer disappointed! They sent me a dress I didn't even order along with my other things, and didn't charge me... I can only assume I've been doing something right in my life that the higher powers wanted me to have this cute little number :P Plus the bill wasn't as high as I remember, so always a plus.

I'm interested in what else will come my way this evening, but I've already gotten the scissors out and started cutting off my jeans in hope for good weather to stick around for a little bit longer.. Let's hope I don't turn the scissors on myself for an "original" haircut...

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School was insanely boring. I'm not use to a wasted day, especially since I was mentally prepared to kick ass and take names. We "enjoyed" guest speaker after guest speaker and I even was on a conference call with "Be Nice" teams all over the US... boring. And the only way to make a boring day better is to have Golden Spoon for lunch right? :)

I'm surprised at myself today too. I sang for the new core and tried to jump all over my fears. It's nice to hear encouragement over a passion that has been mine for years. I was messing around on my computer earlier, trying to make acoustic versions of rap songs... it sounded more funny to say "shorty" and "hustlin" when you're a girl and trying to make it sound pretty, but it was all in fun. I think I was just trying to keep my mind busy and be patient, but I never was one to wait for what I've wanted.

Finishing up a delicious dinner and the rest of my chuck from last night. I think it is semi ridiculous that I am somehow getting use to the weather around here. I SHOULD NOT be cold at night here, not at all. I had soup for dinner... frickin soup. I cant wait to see what a wuss I am during the "winter".. and I didn't even bring my winter jackets. Silly me.

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So, two buck chuck. Have you ever found such a great wine for $26 a case? Especially after going to work out and starting my 5-day a week program, we figured going to Trader Joe's would be the best decision. I think it only added to the greatness of the evening, which includes an abundance of candy from Rite Aid, Thrifty's ice cream(Chocolate Malted Ball Crunch) and Step Brother's. I can't remember how many times I have seen this amazing movie. Or how many times I have laughed so far! Kendra, Kylie and I all know EVERY word from the movie. amazing...

Extended version, way better.



I love what a cliche girls days can be. Especially when you go against all odds of romance and purdy dresses.

Sarah and I went to get facials this morning, which by the way, IS NOT relaxing. When you have a retarded amount of zits, similar to my face, you get these sharp tools beating up your face. It feels awesome now, but not so much earlier! The we proceeded to go to a sports bar for lunch and Long Island Ice Teas. Our BLAT's (bacon, lettuce, avocado, tomatoes, Delicious) and sweet potato fries were amazing. Take note: one of my favorite foods is sweet potato fries with spicy BBQ sauce. So simple, yet will always make me happy.

I am also aware that usually girls watch sappy love stories, which in moderation is completely fine, but not our girl's day. We searched out FearNet to get a scary movie. Now last night I didn't sleep until 4:30am because Kylie, Kendra and I watched The Haunting in Connecticut. I really wanted to see Last House on the Left but we couldn't find it On Demand. So i figured, if I got it out of the way this afternoon, I'd sleep like a tiny toddler tonight. If I could remember the non-scary movies name, I wouldn't even publish it... because it was stupid. Just a reason for a director to show boobs and have siblings make out isn't my kind of flick usually. I'm aware the actors in scary movies aren't usually Academy Award winning actors, but Sarah and I laughed at them the majority of the time . After the LIT's started to wear off, we napped for an hour. Glorious. Now football, tacos, and skype for the remainder of this untypical girl's day <3

My weekend (which starts on Saturday night for beauty school students like me) was suppose to be boring and time relaxing over a movie or two as I curled up tight in my bed. Although I was able to fit that in this afternoon, it was only due to the outrageous hangover I conceived during Saturday's shenanigans.

I am one that seems to party my ass off, and never wake up with a dazed and confused "what the F happened last night" kind of ordeal. I usually have the perfect blend of alcoholic choices (I'm a mixer) that should send me over the edge, but then again I can thank my college experience for 3 1/2 years that taught my body to fight off hangovers. My only evil, is just plain beer, and Saturday was loaded with pitchers among pitchers of Bud Light at Killarney's.

I love that bar. It is overly exciting on weekends when I could dance my entire night away with/without a drink, or spend my Saturday after school watching the USC game with my friends and fill up on my carbs. I met my roomies and the boys. I had fun, and rarely remember the last time I drank that much beer, but all in all, I paid for it today. I think I got through half of Boondock's Saints before I fell into a heavy sleep for 4 hours. Luckily my earlier Double-Double and Neapolitan shake was able to kick in and fully recharge my body by 5pm.

Tomorrow (or I guess today) I plan to have an entire day full of overly girly things with Sarah if she doesn't get called into work, and an absurdly long skype session when Bud gets home. I don't usually feel the need to girly myself out, but for the sake of great friends, I'd almost do anything. A round of pedicures and sappy love stories, please :)

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Many quick thoughts:
- stupid stupid frackin' justice center that decided to send me my "bail amount" for my accident. a stupid $212... and that's not including the price of traffic school if I decide to go.
- No tip from my client I did a full foil weave and a cut on today. I spent 3 hours with her, and NOTHING... ugh.
- I just online shopped yesterday... and probably shouldn't have now that I have my "bail amount" due next week.
- I am actually excited about ONE thing.. and that is RA happy hour with my friends this evening... $1 sake here I come.
- Jill and her sister are in my prayers. Although we don't talk on normal occasions, I feel a close connection to her, and want to send out my love.
- I want a vacation.. asap.

That is all.



Since I have started my collection of tips at school (I know.. it's like money I never had!) I am making a list of the things I think I should spend said money on. We even tried to guesstimate how much we could make for the rest of our time at school, and it sure seemed like a lot! Also, this money will NOT be used to pay real things like loans, credit cards, rent, etc... unless I'm in a pinch. With that being said, here is my list of wishful thinking:

(1) Camera - and not just another digital camera like my last one (R.I.P.) but one I could actually use to try my talent in photography. I love taking pictures, and yes, have found myself taking pictures of me just because I like to look at my different features (I'm also somewhat vain... so shoot me). But to actually take photos of everything that I could maybe hang up one day and say "yeah I did that". I've been looking into what ones are good and decently priced... so I've set my heart on either Canon EOS Digital Rebel XT, Fuji FinePix S2000, or Olympus Evolt E520. I've estimated that this could be a pretty penny... but not too pretty of one.. so I would still have money for..

(2) A Plane Ticket - since this seems to be what I will actually use my first dollars on, it seems feasible to put it on the list. I'll definitely go visit Bud again before I graduate, plus I need to see this "glorious snow in Denver" and how it's "not the same as Chicago". And possibly learn how to snowboard/fall down a hill gracefully. Although I probably wont believe it until I see it, it's worth the trip.

(3) Studio Time - although this seems stupid to many, I want to really get myself into a studio and jam. I love how I feel when I sing, plus I've always wanted to record myself. Even if it's just covers, I'm so down.

(4) ETC. - if there was any money actually left over, I'd use it towards Sarah's birthday festivities (cruise or mountains in February) and maybe a quick vacation once I graduate (if I can seriously wait that long)

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The fashion show was a success :) I actually opened the show, so that was a little nerve-racking but regardless we all had an amazing time. Me and my friend Marisa were models for Abby because she was graduating. We had a "circus" theme initially, but it almost turned into a dark rag doll kind of look. Being at school for over 12 hours though took a lot out of me. We also had to be back at school 12 hours after the show ended... yuck.

Yesterday after school, I met my friends Ben & Steven at a pool party to test out a new beer. There friends from Colorado (small world) want to eventually start their own brewery, but for now are making recipes for us to rate. I am definitely one who likes to try more unique types of beers instead of just a Bud Light. In college we would go to a local bar and try their best beers... and they were never from Anheuser Busch. The beer was actually pretty good, but quite strong (I think 10% roughly). Although last night was my roommate, Christine's, birthday party... I only made it through about 30 minutes of it due to my over consumption of beer earlier :)

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We rocked the Karaoke scene tonight... absolutely rocked it.

It is Christine's birthday, and since there should never be a reason NOT to celebrate such a day, we partied. Dinner along with beer/shots and singing. Although we were the ONLY people in Hero's for a while, I started us off with a little "Ironic" by Alanis and the party began. I think if I could enjoy any job, it would be to sing karaoke professionally probably. I love how I feel with a mic in my hand and just swaying to the beat of another person's story. Even Christine had her first karaoke song, and ROCKED it. I love what great friends my roommate's have become to me. I have slightly the best luck with roommates since I was in college, not a bad one yet.

Tomorrow is a fashion show I am modeling in for one of our graduation's after school. It's circus themed and even just with practicing make-up and hair, I am very excited for the photo's that come out from it. Since my speciality is "big" hair, I will be helping out with the process of teasing/ratting/back-combing our hair. I love what opportunities come from just being a student at school.

For my other life, a week is going to be a long time without conversation my friend... a long time.

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I am a planner. I always have been... up until recently, all of the things I've planned seem to not go along the path. Since I've moved here I'm trying to ease up on the planning. This week was no exception...

I flew to Colorado on Monday morning after booking my flight Sunday night/Monday early a.m. It sounds crazy and random (which it was) but I went to visit Bud in Denver. More than a million stories have filled my memory from this trip. Although it seemed as if the "Gods" were out to get me at first (I barely made my flight, my luggage never made it on the plane, took me over 20 minutes just to find Bud at the airport) but the rest of the trip was smooth sailing. We had food and nature adventures in Boulder, Vodka lounge in Denver, every Will Ferrel movie possible and Gentleman's Jack during down time, and trying to chase storms. He asked me today if I "wished that these few days went bad so it would just be easier to cut things off between us". Does he read my blog?! Sad to say, and maybe not really sad, it was some of the best days since I moved. So it looks like a little more patience is all I'm going to need.

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